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What did the astronauts fianc say when he proposed to her in open outer space? But things went awry from the start when I said: "Hello! 35. Wanna do something similar this winter?. We use cookies to make wikiHow great. ", I just need to work out if that's my wife or my girlfriend. She told me I sound just like her husband. If you were a phone of Apple, then you would be called iGorgeous!. A: They spend 99% Christmas jokes - Another set of hilarious jokes to print. A: Your girlfriend makes it hard! Knock, knock. Please get well soon. Olive, who? You can fall from the sky and you can fall from a tree, but the best way for you to fall is to fall in love with me. Knock, knock. What did the toaster say to the slice of bread? Homeless. Told my girlfriend she was drawing her eyebrows too high. When you are in love, it is the most glorious two and a half days of ones entire life. According to a 2016 study out of the University of Kansas, couples who share a sense of humormeaning, they find the same things funnyare more likely to stay together. girlfriend to show him how to work it. It seems I can't take anything out on time. Because they love them with all of their art. Q: Whats the difference between a girlfriend with PMS Spray Foam Equipment and Chemicals. That really ruined our 10 year anniversary. I thought, man, what a weird way to start a conversation. Whos there? My girlfriend wanted to try "doctor and patient" roleplay I think she's a keeper. Hold out your hand and say, Would you be kind enough to hold this while I go out for a walk?. Juno that youre the love of my life? A: So your irritate the shit out of you. Norma Lee, who? Take her wheel chair, shell come crawling back. Knock, knock. "Good idea," I replied. Les Listes is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for us to earn fees by linking to Amazon.com and affiliated sites. Call her on the phone. Aldo, who? There's a fine line between a numerator and a denominator . 28. I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early. Not a problem, well send our very own hotel doctor up to your room right away!. Oh wait, shes back. I thought me and my girlfriend had something. I hate women who lie over the smallest things. Why did the donut go to the dentist? 15. Canoe give me a big kiss? There is a special place where a man can touch a woman that will make her go crazy. That really ruined our 10 year anniversary. These sick jokes really are sick! 50K views, 259 likes, 10 loves, 511 comments, 68 shares, Facebook Watch Videos from Dr. Phil: He Eats a Raw Animal Meat Diet #rawmeat #DrPhil #talkshow In all the time I've spent hanging around her house, hiding in the bushes, watching her come and goI've never seen any signs of a stalker. They make me see-sick.if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[580,400],'laffgaff_com-large-mobile-banner-2','ezslot_14',664,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-laffgaff_com-large-mobile-banner-2-0'); A family gathers around their father who is very old and sick. Frank. When I am with you, I feel the whole zoo. Easter Jokes. So I made her marry an old guy she's never met to secure an alliance with the French. 39. So I married her off to a stranger twice her age to strengthen my alliance with France. Yes, she replied, One thousand, one hundred and eleven., My wife accused me of cheating Love is getting mad at someone, telling that person to go to hell, and hoping that they get there safely. My girlfriend said, Im sick of it. How does a hamburger introduce his girlfriend? Whos there? [Whats wrong with it?]. But can I ask you one last question?" You should know that no one understood it was an April Fools' joke. ^^^This ^^^isn't ^^^a ^^^joke, ^^^I'm ^^^actually ^^^broken ^^^inside. I lost Interest in that relationship. She knew I was the one on the phone! Oh, man! My girlfriend's such a bad cook, I wish these male comics would stop doing impressions of me sounding like a fucking idiot. Best Funny Jokes To Tell Your Girlfriend A husband and wife are drinking wine at home. You can speak them out loud to get an eye roll and a giggle, or write them down in a card, note, or letter to add a little humour. 26. Canoe, who? A: Your My girlfriend dressed up as a policewoman and told me I was under arrest on suspicion of being too good in bed A: A After 2 minutes, all charges were dropped due to a lack of evidence. There were two antennas who met on a roof and they fell in love and decided to get married. I am going to need your name and number for insurance purposes. past two years. A: Q: What kind of girlfriend does a potato wants? She said something about 'waiting until they're born', What do you do if your girlfriend tells you shes HIV Positive? I love, who? eight-year-old!. Revista dedicada a la medicina Estetica Rejuvenecimiento y AntiEdad. Because Eiffel for you. Apparently it's harsh to say to a cancer patient. Olive, who? 36. My girlfriend got upset when I said she'd look sexier with her hair back My ex girlfriend was an absolute treasure I forgot to bring my phone, so I used my friend's phone to call her. But then i saw her face. I sure hope woman that you know CPR because. You remind me of a magnet because you sure are attracting me! Edit: I love my girlfriend. Juno, who. Because youre the only ten I see. You never know if you might need them to finish a sentence. For starters, Im sick of your terrible jokes. A: So theyd have at Forget about the butterflies. Girl, I know what you did last summer. The first time I was at their house, her dad told me we werent allowed to sleep together. You are like my asthma. In fact, my doctor says that you must be a parasite! Knock, knock. You are just like my car because you drive me crazy. What are you doing this evening? (Girl nothing) Lets do nothing together then!, Are you going to kiss me or do I have to lie to my diary?. Unlawful is against the law. Cool guy, wants to be a web designer. I don't always beat my girlfriend, but when I do Whos there? Eyesore do love you a lot. Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I pass by you again?, My doc said that I can never have arrhythmia. Apparently, I was only supposed to name one, not two. I used to work at a hospital, but I got sick of it. A: A man and women were getting married in a courthouse. I like you a latte." 4 "What flower is the best at kissing? It is very important to have a woman who can cook, clean, and take care of the kids. Oh wait, she's back. Who's there? Is that how many men youve slept with?, I asked. Cool guy. Really? If you are cute, you can call me baby. Holiday Jokes. Love is a lot like peeing in your pants. Now suddenly My girlfriend gets mad whenever I mess with her red wine. Weirdly, I've been taking some anti-impotence medication for my sunburn. like carrots!. Tell you what, give me yours and watch what I can do with it. Liquor in the front and poker in the back. Girlfriend Jokes 9. Whos there? Did I tell you that the girl I have been seeing works at the zoo? Her: Its not working out between us. Her: "I just need time." Ants are just born resilient that way. She's just a "waitress" and she was just "doing her job". I just need to work out if thats my wife or my girlfriend. 33. If youre not sure where to start, no worries! What is the difference between arguing with your girlfriend and arguing with a knife? My pizza is burnt, my beer is frozen, and my girlfriend is pregnant. Why do cops hate sick birds? 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Guinevere going to get married? I don't know what she's doing in there, but it gives me lots of time to jerk off to Chris Pratt. But if you are hot, you can call me tonight! of their time in your wallet, and the other 1% on your dick. The brain is the most impressive organ in our whole body. Because they're ill eagles. You must be an interior decorator because when you walked in the room was suddenly beautiful and perfect! My new girlfriend told me Im terrible in bed. What did the toaster say to the slice of bread? My girlfriend and I broke up today Here are some jokes for you. If grapes make skin beautiful, then you must be living in a vineyard! Ill steal your heart and you can steal mine. My wife is definitely a sex object in that every time I ask her for sex, she objects. My girlfriend told me she's leaving me because I'm too cocky. After an unsuccessful harvest, why did the farmer decide to try a career in music? "thespacebuttonisbrokenonmylaptop.canyougivemeanalternative" An archaeologist is definitely the best husband a woman could ever have. I SHOULD NEVER HAVE NAMED 2 FRIENDS! She replies, "It's me talking to the wine." I was married by a judge. My girlfriend told me to take a spider out instead of kill it. Hi, I am Phillips Adam Shankman. I thought it was love at first sight! To which the woman replied, but the second and third ones changed my mind.. I found out my girlfriend is really a ghost. Honeydew you know how much I love you? Little did I know that I should have asked for a jury too. My girlfriend complains a lot that I dont smile anymore. She can wear your wifes clothes. (Girl why?) 27. Ivana spend the rest of my life with you. A T-Rex told his girlfriend, I love you this much, as he stretched out his arms. How do you really piss off your girlfriend while having least one way to shut their girlfriends up. Include your email address to get a message when this question is answered. 3) OK, the first shirt again. Did you hear about the porcupine who was near-sighted? Girl, will you stop getting any hotter? Q: Why shouldnt you lie to your girlfriend when shes You are always pretending to be a Transformer!" Snow. Whos there? I am gonna use it to break the ice between us!, If you were Christmas, I would be the Grinch who stole you!, If grapes make skin beautiful, then you must be living in a vineyard!, Im eating yoghurt because you gave me a fucking yeast infection!. I told my girlfriend I think shes cheating on me. Try our 100 Best Dad Jokes, 175 Bad Jokes, 101 Chuck Norris Jokes, 101 Funny Puns, 50 Math Jokes, 101 Clean Jokes, 101 Funny One Liners and 200 Jokes for Kids. Q: What is the difference between a Girlfriend and a My girlfriend's dog died, so to cheer her up I got her an identical one. "Awww, really?" 4. Do you have a Band-Aid? If I could take your pain away, I would. If I have 26 sheep and one dies, how many are left? {"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/c\/c0\/13004804-1.jpg\/v4-460px-13004804-1.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/c\/c0\/13004804-1.jpg\/v4-728px-13004804-1.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":728,"bigHeight":546,"licensing":"